Time at Home
07.07.08

Off to Plano
06.06.08

He has the ability
06.01.08

Oh my doodness!
05.13.08
Hello friends! Geesh... it has been... what? Four months? I'm ashamed of myself. :) 

it's been a while
01.30.08


Friends! How are you all doing? I have been meaning to get on here and journal for a few weeks now, but, alas-- it's been a bonkers couple of months. :)

A little over a week ago, a caravan of one mom, one sister, one nephew, one sister-in-law, and two aunts made their way down to Dallas to see my new town and to... PAINT! Shane bought a house last summer and there hasn't been time for either one of us to dig in and make some headway. So, it was sweet to have them here and show them around :)

THEN, Shane and the crew left for the K-Love cruise going through the Caribbean (it's a rough life!) and the day after, my dear, dear friend Kari flew down during her break from Taylor University... she spent three days with me and then flew home yesterday. So, these are kind of the first few days I've had with no agenda in a while... it's been awesome to get wedding plans done and go to the gym and hang out with my "roomies" (Hunter and Becky Hall- our friends that I'm living with) :) ...

And the Lord is saying so MUCH! I can't wait to dig in with y'all verrrry soon... until then, just wanted to say hi. :) I'll get on in a day or so. Love y'all.

Beth



P.S. hey! The Vision of You tour starts up in a week! Go to my myspace: myspace.com/bethanydillonmusic to get a listing of shows... Starfield, David Nasser, my personal favorite, Shane & Shane, and yours truly. it's gonna be fun. :)

Nostalgia
11.10.07


There's nothing to compare to pure, sweet, runny-nosed nostalgia. Yeah. Runny-nosed. We're in Lowell, Massachusetts, today and it has only increased my love for the New England states. We were just doing a run of shows up the west coast, had some days off (unpacked my flip flops and threw in some sweaters) and then flew to Conneticut yesterday morning. Five more shows before the tour ends... crazy, huh? Anyway. Back to having a runny nose. Aaron and I walked around downtown today... found a coffee shop named Brewed Awakening (some characters in there, let me tell ya) and a community art museum called The Revolving Museum. SO awesome... had my red hat pulled over my ears, multiple layers, my new brown coat that my sweet Shane bought for me, and breathed it in... nostalgia. Walking down old brick roads... smoke stacks on top of old buildings... 100+ year-old churches... I just wished that I could somehow swallow it. And THEN... we got back on the bus, and Ratatouille was on (I bought it last night at the grocery... love that movie, I'll admit it). What a perfect afternoon. I had read, made a pot of coffee, walked through an old, quaint downtown with a chai, stared at creativity in a bunch of frames on walls, and then sat on a warm bus watching a movie set in Paris.

My heart is just happy. :)

Well, hope you guys are doing well and enjoying the goodness of the Living God today! Seek to be satisfied in HIM only... it's a worthwhile fight. Love y'all... see some of you tonight.



Beth

Evidence of the Experience
10.29.07


Just left a very stuffy room... walked out into the rainy parking lot at Bayside Church here in Roseville, CA. I heard some thunder earlier this afternoon and it sprinkled a little, but tonight... it was pouring when we hopped off the bus to go inside to start the show. And wouldn't you know it- the power went out. Not just once. Not even twice. Or three times! I'm not sure if I have enough fingers and toes to count how many times that big ol' room (and all the shiny stuff onstage) turned pitch black, followed by many a gasp/squeal/chuckle/grumble/sigh. So, semi-long story short, Will (drummer dude) and I just went out and did kind of a worship thing and hung with everyone... sooo stinkin fun. And sweaty. And now, I'm sitting on a quiet bus with a little-bit-eaten cookie on the counter staring me down as I type this little journal to y'all. (I may lose all will power at any moment. With the cookie, that is.)

So, that's just what happened in the past hour or so... but today was such a good day. As Shane would say, I felt like a "spiritual ferret" today (i.e. distracted) but He STILL spoke in it. Pretty amazing that there's absolutely no way for me to stop Him when He has something to say!

Now, this is gonna be pretty transparent, but I think you guys can handle it. :) Last night, I was sitting in the back lounge of our bus, about to leave Yorba Linda Friends church for Roseville, talking to my wonderful fiancee on the phone... I'd had SUCH a good day... the Lord had really been speaking to me about my fallenness and how much I am NOT selfless or truly compassionate... which may not sound like the ingredients for a good day, but it was. His discipline is like nothing else, let me tell ya. Soo... I'm all in my "spiritual-mode", if you know what I mean- asking about his day, trying to be encouraging and a good listener, sharing about my day-- all good, good, good, until.......

Hello, Miss Attitude! Out of the clear blue sky (whoda thunk?), something very very very small rubbed me juuust wrong and that was it. I was ticked. Why? I'm not exactly sure. I mean, I remember what the catalyst was... but it's not even big enough to mention. And the worst part? I KNEW that I was being a jerk, and didn't do anything about it! And wouldn't you know it, as soon as sweet, sweet Shane got off the phone (I'm in awe of how gentle he is in the face of my crappiness) I wanted to call him right back and apologize until I got blue in the face.

Instead, I texted him. :) Something really restrained, you know? Restrained in that... my HEART wanted to really repent, but my flesh still wasn't letting me.

Rewind a little: Shane and I have started reading this amazing book by a man named Gary Thomas called "Sacred Marriage"... we found it at their studio on his desk... no clue who put it there, but there were two copies. What really grabbed us was the subtitle: "What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?"... yeah. :) Pretty awesome. So, we've been reading it together... every chapter gets better somehow. The last one I read was about marriage cultivating a deeper prayer life. This morning I went to the back lounge with my coffee and cereal, cracked open the now-worn-in book to the next chapter, and winced reading the title:

"The Cleansing Of Marriage: How Marriage Exposes Our Sin"

Ooouuuuch....

What a timely word He brought through that! And then, followed it up with these verses in 1 John:

"Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness. You know that He appeared to take away sins, and in Him there is no sin. No one who abides in Him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen Him or known Him.

"Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as He is righteous. Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. By this it is EVIDENT who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil; whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother." (3:4-10)

Did John HAVE to thrown in that last line? Man. What a SHARP Word to hear! Those lines kept going through my brain: "no one who keeps on sinning has either seen Him or known Him"..."the Son of God appeared... to destroy the works of the devil"..."by this it is evident who are the children of God"...

I am diving head first into gut-wrenching repentance over those lines! Well, I'm praying that He'll help me do that.. and not just move on to the next thing. I NEED to let that sink in. My life in Him depends on it! My unbridled, selfless, whole-hearted love for others (especially Shane) is directly related to my love for the Almighty! And, beyond THAT, it is the evidence if I have seen Him or know Him at all. Wow.

I went back and read some of these words from 1 John 2 (and it gave me some vision in the murkiness of my confession-mode): "And now, little children, abide IN Him, so that when He appears we may have confidence and not shrink from Him in shame at His coming."

So, walking around the parking lot today, my iPod playing Isa Couvertier's "Pressing Into You" on repeat (<-check that song out, you'll be glad you did), looking at the beautiful clouds and trees... I just started asking Him to show me what abiding IN Him looks like. And having a life in Him that is evidence of experiences with Him...

In summation: I'm fallen, human, needy, depraved, whatever you want to call it... and I know today only scratched the surface! But PRAISE the Most High, that SO isn't the end of the story! Or the most important part... but that HIS strength be proved in my weakness. HIS salvation seen within a messed up person. HIS Spirit at work within an otherwise hopeless creature... and inspiring a love for Jesus that overshadows everything else and points undoubtedly to Another Place.

Alright... my hand's feeling a little cramped, I may go now. :) Hope you guys are good. See some of you at Chico tomorrow!



Beth



p.s. Today is exactly 5 months away from the big day! :)

Slow down, you're moving too fast...
10.20.07


Sorry, I was just thinking about how this journal is going to be about "rest" and I started humming that Simon & Garfunkle song. :)

How are you today? How crazy it was to have awakened in muggy, rainy North Carolina yesterday morning (still love you, NC) and then to wake up here in Virginia and have to pinch myself because it's so beautiful! I went to sleep around 10pm (I'm so not a rock star) and after some crazy dreams, got up around 8 this morning. After drinking the last little bit of an Odwalla smoothie I had in the refrigerator, I stood there in my groggy confusion and thought about what else to have for breakfast. Aha! Catering should have breakfast out! I thought... and mosied inside. After searching through this massive church, a group of us found the room... I could smell the aroma of coffee down the hall :) ... and then, from breakfast, I walked out a side entrance of the church and stared at the most unexpectedly breathtaking scene: the morning sun dancing its way through a family of young, autumn-colored trees. And the smell! Man... I love the way fall smells. And the birds... HIS birds... were singing the sweetest songs. I couldn't help but feel like He had set that up for me today... kind of like someone setting up a candle lit dinner, with flowers and lovely, inviting smells.

All of that to say... in my pursuit of community (BEGGING for Him to enlarge my heart to change in that area), I was hit with the tension there is between spending time with Him... and them. You know what I mean? I think in the past I've felt like, Well, I'm either going to give my time to Jesus or to people... but, really, that isn't the case. At least not for me, not in this season. He is the MEAT of my day... everything (and everyone) else is just the marinade. Not that HE needs it!- or that He is lacking in ANYthing! Have mercy if I ever even considered that... no... but it tenderizes MY heart. It makes my very imperfect, needy, hungry time with Him to be more flavorful. Does that make sense? I wish we could be sitting with cups of coffee right now and I could share with you face to face. :)

Anyway... I was fed with the finest of wheat this morning, friends. Not because I'm all that deep, or smart, or driven. But because HE really is able to draw me into a place of rest. These are some verses that have healed my thoughts about resting with and in Him (when it has seemed IMPOSSIBLE... unproductive... and let's be honest... boring):

"O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have CALMED and QUIETED my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me..." [psalm 131:1-2]

Having a soul like a weaned child... wanting nothing... no agenda... not being lifted too high, but staying low. Quiet. Calmed. Waiting.

"For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, 'In RETURNING and REST you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength...'" [isaiah 30:15]

Hmm. Anyway, I just wanted to let those words fall on your ears... it's good marinade. :)

Have a great day.



Beth

State Fair
10.19.07


That's right! We're at the North Carolina state fair today. :) I woke up around 9 this morning and it was POURING rain outside... it's kind of sunny and muggy now, but I'm still in rainy-day mode. You know what I mean? Zip up jacket, sweats, tea, books, calling friends. Maybe every day feels like that to me... or at least... that would be my preference :)

Gosh, friends! I can't believe it's taken me a whole blasted month to get back in the swing of journaling. Sometimes I feel like in the area of "keeping up", if there were some kind of "Bad At Keeping Ups Anonymous" group, I'd join in a heartbeat (<- you can ask anyone who knows me and find out that that couldn't be truer!). I spent a lot of this morning making phone calls... I read for a bit in my bunk and then had such a craving to connect with some friends, you know? I had about an hour drive yesterday from the airport to the venue and made a phone call to a dear, dear friend of mine that I hadn't caught up with in... months. It was SO good. I forget how badly I need community. How much I need to be KNOWN and understood and journeyed WITH. Maybe that's the curse of being deeply introverted... I am happiest when I have quiet, space, a journal, Bible, and a pen. There isn't anything wrong with being FED by that I don't think - but I can easily get caught up in my own little world and forget that there are so many other stories going on! Lord, help me look beyond my OWN stuff!

Anyway... we're back out on the SCC tour after a very wonderful 10-day break. About two days before our break started, my brother got hitched! It was sooooooo beautiful... man. My sister and I were bridesmaids, and getting that much of a front seat to something that mirrors THE Story of Christ pursuing His bride was overwhelming, to say the least. I didn't think I was going to cry, and then the moment Becky (my now-sister-in-law) walked into the room, I lost it. Completely lost it. Kate and I had to sing a few minutes after that, and I was struggling to keep all my snot from coming out... to SOMEHOW come off composed :) But, wow! How sweet weddings are. It got me sooo excited for Shane and I's :) To be in those shoes and begin living a parable of The Story. Amazing!

I was telling a friend yesterday that the season I'm in could be put into one word: repentance. I'm sure I've journaled about this already, but there is absolutely NOTHING that convinces you more of your fallen nature and desperate need for Jesus than a fiancee or spouse! :) I have been APPAULED by how imperfect I am... needy... rebellious... insecure... prideful. And what a privilege it's been to have the posture of my spirit corrected and straightened so much... His discipline makes me feel loved, you know? (Heb 12:5-11 has been a good teacher in that) Anyway... it's been good for my soul! Not exactly pleasant, but GOOD. There's a passage in Haggai that I've returned to a bunch lately:

"Consider your ways. You have sown much, and harvested little. You eat, but you never have your fill. You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm. And he who earns wages does so to put them into a bag with holes. Thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways. Go up to the hills and bring wood and build the house, that I may take pleasure in it and that I may be glorified, says the Lord. You looked for much, and behold, it came to little. And when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why? declares the Lord of hosts. Because of my house that lies in ruins, while each of you busies himself with his own house." (1:5-9)

What a hard thing to hear... but what a GOOD thing! To be called at all to the building of His house. For His house in ME to be labored in... God, give us desire to do that!

Well, I think I should probably go get somewhat ready before sound check. Hope y'all are doing well.... see you soon! :)



Beth

I apparently produce an ungodly amount of ear wax
09.21.07


Hello from Hoffman Estates, Illinois!

I've been calling it Hoffman HEIGHTS all day... nice one Beth, nice one.

Anyway... day numero two of the SCC tour! It's been so much fun... so restful. Really. I've never felt this rested on tour before. Maybe it's because I don't have anything to do until about 4pm... and THEN... I only sing for 22 minutes :) It's been GOOD... I've just been getting up in the mornings, enjoying the quiet, reading, making some tea... I got some serious running shoes the other day in Nashville (yay for Fleet Feet!) and have felt like getting back into it. I think having 30-40 minutes outside every day has been good for my soul :)

But, really, it's such an honor to be out with these people -- Steven, of course, has been such an encouragement to everyone already. Super honest... very open about his dependency on Jesus. He kind of gathered all of us last night before the show started and shared his heart about this tour and prayed with us... I'm excited to see what all He's going to do!

So... here's my story. I was sound checking yesterday and was having so much trouble with my in-ear monitors... everything sounded muffled and distorted... and kind of all just coming out of the left ear. Weird, huh? So, I asked for more vocal... more vocal... MORE vocal... could I get a little more guitar?... could you just turn everything else down and it just be vocal and guitar?... could you just turn my mix ON?... (<-- that's me talking to our AWESOME monitor guy, Tim)

After the show last night, Tim came over and asked how it was... he saw that after a couple of songs, I took my right in-ear out. I told him I was still having problems... asked if the mix I was getting was panned all the way to the left on accident... he kinda smirked and asked to see my in-ears. Sure, I said, handing them to him. He turned on his flashlight, shined it on my plastic molds and.... an orange glow appeared. Hmmm...

"Yeah. There's so much wax shoved into these that it's blocking out the sound completely. You probably need to clean 'em."

Oh, ok. Cool. Uh... I promise I'm... uhhhh.... clean. Not dirty... clean. Promise.

:) anyway... when I went to get my molds done, the Ear Lady (because I can't quite think of what else to call her) told me that cleaning your ears with Q-tips is actually harmful because it either just shoves the wax further down the ear canal, OR, punctures your ear drum. (Did I just scare all of you Q-tippers?) So, all of that to say, I haven't cleaned mine in quite some time. Just... forgot. I bought this solution to drop in for a few minutes... I think it loosens and dissolves the wax or something... not sure. I think I'm probably going too in-depth about this, though. But, yeah, Tim the Brave cleaned them for me this afternoon and when I put them in tonight, I felt like a whole new person. It was great. :)

The Lord is MESSING me up, y'all! I've been reading in Deuteronomy... still... and have been freaked out over His plan. How so many things about Jesus were said to the Israelites camping out on the hot sand, listening to this fiery, white-haired man named Moses deliver the Law to them. I wasn't planning on sharing this, but now that I've dipped my toe in the waters of ramble, I gotta go grab my Bible and show something to you:

"And if a man has committed a crime punishable by death and he is put to death, and you hang him on a tree, his body shall not remain all night on the tree... for a hanged man is cursed by God." (Deut 21:22,23)

"Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us-- for it is written, 'Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree'... Is the law then contrary to the promises of God? Certainly not! For if a law had been given that could give life, then righteousness would indeed be by the law. But the Scripture imprisoned everything under sin, so that the promise by faith in Jesus Christ might be given to those who believe. Now before faith came, we were held captive under the law, imprisoned until the coming faith would be revealed. So then, the law was our GUARDIAN until Christ came..." (Gal 3:13, 21-24)

Everybody just hopped on the bus, so I'm not sure how focused the rest of the rambling will be... :) I'm just floored at the thought that the Law was Israel's guardian. Yeah. I'll expound on that later I guess. :)

I gotta say it... it's my birthday tomorrow! :)

Okay... see y'all soon. Beth

I'm not as great as I'd hoped... (thank God)
09.05.07


Friends...

I'm gonna need lots of grace in this busy season! Just last night I was sitting in the back of the room at the Grove City show on the Shane & Shane tour and it popped into my head that I haven't posted something in... almost exactly a month! So sorry for that. It's not for lack of things going on, that's for sure. In fact, my tardiness may be more of a proof of how MUCH is going on... and how impossible most of it is to fit into a handful of paragraphs.

My fingers are kinda sticky right now. I stole away to the downstairs at our house to get some quiet... with a fresh cup of coffee... getting some stuff done that I've been putting off. I brought a peach down with me and about two bites into it remembered why I prefer to cut them up. Juice, juice, juice. And then... eating around a big ol' seed-pit kinda thing. Anyway... I probably just formed way too many sentences about eating a silly peach, but I felt like sharing how this journaling experience is... sticky. :)

There is absolutely NOTHING that teaches more than being in a relationship. Just because of how true that statement is proving to be in my life, I'll say it again.... there is NOTHING that has ever, ever, EVER exposed the crappiness of my flesh more than being in a relationship.

:)

I'm sure a lot of you are nodding your heads and chuckling at me right now. Man... I went on a walk with my sister this morning and was sharing a little. Maybe it's just because most of my life has been hinged on good behavior. I grew up in church, all my Sunday school teachers liked me, I knew all the answers to those little work sheets they gave you along with a handful of Cheerios to keep you quiet. I mean... yeah. I just figured I was a pretty good person.

Sooo.... finding out that that couldn't be farther from the truth! Thank you, Jesus! So much of my identity has been hung up on that-- being "together". Well, the honeymoon period of that thinking is beginning its end as we speak! And I'm sure there's even more to come! (I shudder at the thought...)

I'm prideful. But... I'm also extremely insecure. I'm needy. But... at the same time, I can be extremely selfish and confusingly independent. I also struggle deeply with jealousy... vulnerability... humility... service...

Who woulda thunk. :)

The amazing thing I'm learning is this... the weaker you are, the better you are. The more vulnerable you let yourself be, the easier it is to love and be loved. The more honest and humble I can be throughout the day-- with every emotional place I can go to thrown in the mix-- the closer Shane and I are... and the better I love Jesus.

I'm so THANKFUL for this season! Thankful to be loved by someone who's imperfect and sweet and has a lot of grace for my... fleshiness. Thankful to be loved by Someone who's absolutely perfect and doesn't push me aside because I keep making mistakes, but instead, corrects the posture of my spirit by His unfailing grace. It's amazing.

So, before I head upstairs to join the madness of dinner... I just wanted to share that with you, friend... whether you don't fully believe it yet, or have experienced what I'm talking about and needed a reminder... He longs to uproot and sow into you today! The uprooting IS painful... and humbling... but it makes soo much room for more of Him. :)

See y'all soon.

beth

the "Oh!" heart of God
08.02.07


Hello from Manchesta! :)

Bub, Nick, Luke, and I landed here a few hours ago... we had been in Orlando for a couple of days around the national youth gathering of the Lutheran church. We had a day off after the day we played, which I was really looking forward to... and then... I got sick. But, really, it was such a blessing to not have to play through a show sick, you know? I just slept a lot yesterday... watched "shark week" on the Discovery Channel (Shane's been laughing at me about that one -- I can't stop watching it!) ... read. I'm not very good at having days "off", but it was very needed.

So, as I re-situate my jeans because of how much I just ate for dinner, I wanted to share some stuff I've been reading this week that's blown my mind... I've been going through Deuteronomy... love, love, love that book. I so badly wish I could SEE Moses... meet him... look at the lines around his eyes. I feel like we would've been friends, for lots of reasons. I love how his life was crammed full and seeping with moments of God wanting to kill him (Exodus 4:24), along with moments of a more intense intimacy with YHWH than I'll ever know while I'm on earth (see Exodus 33 to get an idea). It's so, so HONEST. He's so prideful... and then... begging with humility for compassion.

I love the Israelites, too. What a funny bunch of people for the Lord to call his own! Fickle, unthankful, ignorant, stubborn, hard-hearted people. They remind me of someone... hmm... me? :)

So, anyway, I HAD been reading Matthew, and happened to notice during the temptation of Jesus, the only book He quoted was Deuteronomy. Two of the passages He quoted were both from chapter 6. I flipped over to Deuteronomy 6 and it felt like my bones were trembling:

"'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might... It is the Lord your God you shall fear. Him you shall serve and by his name you shall swear. You shall not go after other gods, the gods of the peoples who are around you, for the Lord your God in your midst is a JEALOUS God...'" (6:4-5, 13-15)

How sobering to think that a chapter... a BOOK... written entirely about the affections of our hearts being focused on Him was ALL that came up during Jesus' temptation in the wilderness. Wow!

And thus began my journey back into the book of Deuteronomy. :) It's been convicting the crap out of me (if you know what I mean), and yet, comforting me at the same time. I wish I had space and time to share all that it's been stirring up inside of me, but to sum it up for now, I love what the Law says about Him. I love what the answer of Jesus says about Him, too! Of course I do! Otherwise I'd be hopelessly, hopelessly doomed. But, the confusing and Divine thing about Scripture is that it contradicts itself only to US... you know what I mean? It's made me scratch my head on many an occasion to read something in the Old Testament about the wrath of God (I flinched my way through Nahum the other night) and then turn to John and read about the EXACT likeness of God, Jesus, forgiving and having mercy on the woman caught in adultery.

Huh?

And, somehow, beyond what our brains can process... even beyond what our hearts can contain... there is NO separation. No wrathful side of God vs. the merciful side of God. NO! "The Lord is ONE." Crazy thought, huh?! I better change the subject kind of quick... if I dwell too much on it, I can sense myself getting a bit loony. :)

So, a few days ago, I read chapter 5... the Ten Commandments. Well, Moses REMINDING Israel of the Ten Commandments. How they happened, that HE (Moses) didn't write them, and then... he tells the story of Israel's reaction:

"'And as soon as you heard the voice out of the midst of the darkness, while the mountain was burning with fire, you came near to me, all the heads of your tribes, and your elders. And you said, 'Behold, the Lord our God has shown us his glory and greatness, and we have heard his voice out of the midst of the fire...'"

(FYI- they aren't saying this in a calm, collected tone... they just stood at the foot of a mountain that was blazing with fire and smoke, and a loud, booming voice delivering the LAW- what pointed out their guilt and shined a spotlight on their desperate need for redemption ... in other words -- they are scared outside of their minds)

"'...This day we have seen God speak with man and man still live. Now therefore why should we die? For this great fire will consume us. If we hear the voice of the Lord our God any more, WE SHALL DIE. For who is there of all flesh, that has heard the voice of the living God speaking out of the midst of fire as we have, and has still lived? Go near and hear all that the Lord our God will say and speak to us all that the Lord our God will speak to you, and we will hear and do it.'"

Can you IMAGINE what was going on in their heads? Staring at this terrifying mountain, probably thinking over and over... I'm still ALIVE? I'm living through this? REALLY? What the Lord was saying was so heavy... and true... and yet, completely unattainable. I read this through the lense of knowing and having Jesus... but can you just crawl into their skin for a moment and think of what it would be like to hear Him WITHOUT that?

What happens next is... yeah. Amazing:

"'And the Lord heard your words, when you spoke to me. And the Lord said to me, "I have heard the words of this people, which they have spoken to you. They are RIGHT in all that they have spoken. Oh that they had such a mind as this always, to fear me and to keep all my commandments, that it might go well with them and with their sons forever!"'"

Right when I read that, it reminded me of this verse in Psalm 81 that, again, convicts me to no end...

"'But my people did not listen to my voice; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts, to follow their own counsels. Oh, that my people would listen to me, that Israel would walk in my ways!'" (v.11-13)

The "OH!" heart of God... the almost exasperated longing for obedience... the deep calling to deep kind of longing. How mind boggling to think that when Israel hung its head, widened its eyes, and crawled to Moses saying, "make Him stop talking before we die", that was what kindled the fire of "OH!" from Him.

A very familiar battle ground for me is deciphering between guilt and holy fear. Are you with me on that one? It's hard to get into the mindset of Deuteronomy 5 when Psalm 131 exists ("I have calmed and quited my soul, like a weaned child with its mother..."). But, both reactions to Him are right! TOGETHER, not divorced from each other. As I'm typing this, I want to slap myself across the face because it feels so impossible. :) But I think it's okay-- MORE than okay-- to get lost in discontentment like that, you know? Maybe that's what He's looking for.

All of that to say, it's done something to me to discover more of His "Oh!" heart. His... "Oh, I wish you'd fear me like this! I wish you'd tremble at the thought of me more than at the thought of a great white shark! I wish you'd take the time to think about how IT I am... that there's nothing else... nothing better... nothing that will last longer... nothing truer... OH, that that would always be your heart toward me!"

And when I think about that, oddly enough, I hang my head. Widen my eyes. Crawl to Him... asking that He would speak slower, give grace for the heavier stuff.

I hope that you're all doing well! I pray that you would find Him in the busyness and the quiet of your life today. See some of you tomorrow at SoulFest :)



Beth

All smiles
07.22.07


Hello there friends! I was checking up on the website today (for the first time in a while, I admit) and realized how LONG it’d been since I’ve last posted a journal! I’m soo sorry… a lot has been going on : ) We just got home this morning after taking a red-eye out of Los Angeles (we left at 1 AM), sprinting through the Detroit airport to juuuust make our flight to Columbus (they were closing the door as we got there), and then, of course, our bags didn’t make it! Not to mention Bub got sick with something the past two days… and then passed out on our flight home. Yep. Typical travel day. ; )

Anyway… I got a phone call from my Mama yesterday morning on our way to the airport that sweet Jon and Sherri Rivers on their weekend countdown show spilled the beans before I got to! I’m ENGAGED! I can’t wait to share with y’all about it… the shows I’ve been doing the past month have been pretty funny… people noticing SOMETHING on my finger… a ring, maybe? : )

And, honestly, in the chaos of the past month, I’ve thought multiple times about sitting down and writing a journal about it… and have really thought out how to first share it with all of you… because, no matter how cheesy it sounds, all of you who are part of the community here in Beth’s Journal Land, and those who so faithfully make it out to shows and say hi to my brother and I – we consider you dear, dear friends. And, even beyond that, family. We all are attached to and captivated by the same Unsearchable God… our hearts crying out in one voice, “ABBA!”

So, my sweet family, there’s my news! BIG news, I know… but my heart was to share it with you here instead of you hearing about it elsewhere… for you to know that you are welcomed into this story and that our heart is to share all of the God-ordained sweetness of it with you!

OH! Ok… so I bet you’re wondering who it is! Well, for about ten months now, Shane Barnard and I have been seeing each other… as most of you know, I’ve been friends with that whole Shane & Shane crew for about four years… and he has always, always been a kindred spirit. So last fall, after lots of seeking His heart, we started dating… which looked very different, since he was touring and I was writing and recording. But, by the mighty grace of God, it GREW… and a living analogy of His pursuit of the Church, His bride, began! (Are y’all thinking about those mysterious love songs on the new record? Now you know!)

I don’t think I’ve shared much about my thoughts on dating before… or, even finding the person that He desires you to build the Kingdom with… the person to spend your life with. Probably the biggest reason was because I’d never really dated! But, He really had set my heart on just being satisfied in Him FIRST… before I ever entered a relationship with someone else. Last summer was when I went to spend ten days in India… came back and was totally and completely wrecked… seeing and loving Jesus better than I ever had in my life. What a sovereign thing that Shane happened right after that. : ) Gosh… there are so many things I’ve learned about the Lord’s heart for me through Shane… I wish I could sit with you over a cup of coffee right now and share them all! Maybe more songs will happen and I can better share that way. : )

The semi-shortened version is this: I’m getting hitched to the Godliest, humblest, sweetest man on the planet! What a blessing to get to share my life with the best friend I’ve ever had! He and I both have just shook our heads at it… we are SO undeserving of something as good as this! Well, I know I am, at least. I’ve never dated anyone besides Shane, and I totally believe that to be the provision of God in my life… YET… I know lots of people who have dated a bunch before finding their spouse, and it’s just as ordained by Him! We have leaned in as close as we possibly could to hear what He would say… where He would lead. And this is it! Shane and I are so excited to be walking in obedience… walking in the direction of what He has prepared for us. What an adventure the Christward life really is! : )

Oooh, what a difference a year can make, huh? : ) My poor Mama… Bub’s getting married in October, and then I drop this on her! Haha! But it’s been so good… Shane is actually flying here to Ohio tomorrow afternoon to spend a few days with the whole zoo of my family… I’m so excited to see him! We both head out for fall tours in a month, which will definitely be a growing time for us. He’s really impressing on the both of us how to be satisfied in HIM first… and we’ve been forced to learn that since we only see each other about once a month… He knows what He’s doing. : )

And to answer the last question y’all may have for now… we’re both touring through next spring, and still looking at dates and considering when would be the best time to get married and have TIME to be married before we head back out on the road. If you think about it, we would covet your prayers in making a decision! We want only what He wants for us.

Well, I think I’m going to go spend some time with my family and then head to bed… still catching up on sleep after our crazy travel weekend! I’ll keep you guys updated on all of this! And I’m sooo happy to make you a part of it… and to know that we will be prayed for! I can’t tell you how much that means to us.

Oh… and I read a few things in Deuteronomy the other day I wanted to share with you guys. Maybe I’ll get on here sometime this week and ramble a bit about it. Yeah. Hope you guys had a wonderful weekend! See you soon!



The very, very, verrrry smiley Beth : )

Lonely morning
06.07.07


Just sitting here by the window in our dining room, listening to my brother Ben mow outside, my brother Matt watch the Rescue Rangers on Toon Disney... having kind of a barren, lonely morning. But it's GOOD. He keeps placing heavier weights on my back... it's hard to breathe when He first fastens it on, but I'm thankful for it, nonetheless. I was sharing with someone yesterday that following Jesus sometimes feels like a test I have to keep re-taking in the corner while everyone else moves on to the next lesson. :)

But, PRAISE JESUS that I am not called to compare! Or fix myself! I am called to intimacy... to wrestling and asking and waiting. I LOVE Him for it... I really, really, really love Him. Can't shake it.

I was reading the first few chapters of Exodus this morning... this verse in Exodus 2 has been underlined many times... lots of different colors of ink scribbled around it:

"...the people of Israel groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help. Their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God. And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. God saw the people of Israel-- AND GOD KNEW."

The simple things are what slap me across the face... God KNOWS. When He heard the Hebrew slaves begging for rescue, He knew in His heart about calling Moses, leading them out, the forty years they'd wander, their journey to what had been promised... all of it. What a PEACE in knowing that today... that He KNOWS.

Breathe that in...

And have a lovely summer day! :)



Ok with not knowing,

Beth

Attach Me
06.06.07


The name Levi has been such a hiding place for me in the past few months... a foxhole in the middle of intense, disheartening battles. I was reading Genesis one time (I'm always returning to that book-- the messiness of those lovers of God is probably why) and came to the twenty-ninth chapter; the list of Jacob's children.

I'm sure almost all of you already know this, but Jacob was married to two women, who happened to be sisters: Rachel and Leah. He was head over heels in love with Rachel, he was tricked into marrying Leah. Jacob himself is such an interesting life to follow... he was a twin with a man named Esau, and he actually came out of the womb holding onto his brother's heel. They named him Jacob, which means "he takes by the heel" or "he cheats". And wouldn't you know it, he ends up cheating his older brother Esau out of his birthright. His mother, Rebekah, helped him do it, actually... he was her favorite.

Sound a bit messy?

The story is FAR from ending there... Jacob deceives his nearly blind father into thinking he is Esau, gets the blessing that goes to the oldest, everyone finds out, Jacob runs away because his brother planned to murder him in his rage... he finally ends up in a place called Haran, where he meets a man named Laban and falls in love with his daugher, Rachel. Jacob promises to work for seven years for her to become his wife.... "...and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her." (Gen. 29:20)

The boy was GONE, to put it simply.

But... Leah was the older daugher, and it was a custom that the older had to get married before the younger... so, Laban... tricked him. Not to say that Jacob was undeserving, honestly -- when you see the damage his sneaky selfishness has done to his brother's life. So, Jacob obviously finds out, and agrees to work another seven years for Rachel... the one he actually loves.

Leah? ... she's just the girl no one wanted. Older, probably not as attractive as her younger sister, unnoticed and a burden to her distracted, unwilling husband.

Which brings us to Genesis 29:31:

"When the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. And Leah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben, for she said, 'Because the Lord has looked upon my affliction, for now my husband will love me.' She conceived again and bore a son, and said, 'Because the Lord has heard that I am hated, he has given me this son also.' And she called his name Simeon. Again she conceived and bore a son, and said, 'Now this time my husband will be attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.' Therefore his name was called Levi..."

I can FEEL that lonely woman's sorrow throbbing in my chest even now... she has Reuben (which means "see, a son") and thinks to herself: "THIS will change everything; Jacob's heart will turn and be affected by me now."

...nothing.

She has Simeon (which means "heard") and thinks: "God has heard me-- He's giving me a sign that Jacob's heart will change... any moment... after all, I have TWO sons now! Rachel is BARREN!"

Again... nothing.

Then Levi comes... the third son. More would come after him (lots more- from Jacob came the twelve tribes of Israel) but Leah decides to call him "attached". She thinks, "Jacob HAS to be connected-- attached-- to me now. I've done the only thing I could possibly do to please him... give him sons."

Pause that story... fast foward a bit in that thick, weighty section of stories from when the Old Covenant was in play...

From Levi came Moses and his brother Aaron... and from Aaron came the priestly line in Israel:

"Now a man from the house of Levi went and took as a his wife a Levite woman. The woman conceived and bore a son, and when she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him for three months..." (Ex. 2:1,2)

...Pharoah's daughter, after drawing him out of the Nile because his parents had put him in a basket to give him escape from the massacre of male Israelite babies in Egypt, named him "Moses."

"...the Levites were not listed along with them by their ancestral tribe. For the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, 'Only the tribe of Levi you shall not list, and you shall not take a census of them among the people of Israel. But appoint the Levites over the tabernacle of the testimony, and over all its furnishings, and over all that belongs to it... and the Levites shall keep guard over the tabernacle of the testimony.'" (Numbers 1:47-50, 53)

The sons of Levi were set apart to be ATTACHED to the Lord.

Oh, what a mind-blowing mystery! In Leah's heart-brokenness she screamed the name "Levi!", hoping with ALL her heart that indifferent Jacob would be attached to her... and yet... beyond that moment... BIGGER than that moment... the source of that cry makes Leah's sound like only a faint echo... the source of "Levi" was resting in the heart of Yahweh. He looked into the life of Leah's infant third son and saw the Levite tribe; the people appointed to minister in His house.

And to only add to the journey of this name, I read this passage in Luke 5 yesterday:

"After this [Jesus] went out and saw a tax collector named Levi, sitting at the tax booth. And he said to him, 'Follow me.' And leaving everything, he rose and followed him. And Levi made him a great feast in his house, and there was a large company of tax collectors and others reclining at table with them. And the Pharisees and their scribes grumbled at his disciples, saying, 'Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?' And Jesus answered them, 'Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.'" (5:27-32)

I know that this man Levi probably wasn't in the actual Levitical line (that'd be something interesting to find out, though) ... but his NAME... "attached". A sneaky, greedy, dishonest, all-around nasty fellow named "attached"! And Jesus CALLED him! And what did he do in response? Left everything, walked beside the Son of God, made him dinner, and invited all his friends that looked just as unlikely as him, but were just as captivated by this man... this man who set his heart on healing and ATTACHING himself to the sick... and leading them to repentance.

I'm sitting in my quiet, lamp-lit room right now... window open to the summer night air... feeling that SAME call to "attachedness" in my heart. Scared to death that I've tried to sever that umbilical cord one too many times. Wondering if in my attention-consuming, present-moment sorrow, He is STILL working out what "Levi" means in my life... no matter HOW much I don't get it.

There's a passage in Kierkegaard's "Training in Christianity" that I read not long after first embarking on this journey:

"If thou thyself art conscious of being a sinner, he will not inquire of thee about it, the bruised reed He will not further break, but He will raise thee up if thou wilt ATTACH thyself to Him."

What a potent thing to swallow.

So... all of that to say... I LONG to be attached to the person of Jesus. I am often having to come to a place of repentance (OFTEN) -- being hauntingly reminded of how deep His passionate, scandalous, irreversible love goes. Thank you, Abba, that that tie isn't easily broken... that you are generously attaching and re-attaching my heart to yours by your grace. Drag me there if you have to, Jesus.

Dear, dear brothers and sisters of mine - you who are called to this incomprehensible attachment, as I am - hear the name "Levi" being spoken over your life even now by your Maker... and pray with me for help to react in a way that doesn't hinder it, but will grow it.



Beth

Sunburn Season
05.29.07


Hello, friends! A sweet girl at a show in Amherst, New Hampshire, this last weekend reminded me that I haven't posted a new journal in a few weeks... soo sorry about that... since I flew out to Seattle to see little baby Cohen (he's RIDICULOUSLY cute, by the way), we had some shows, then flew to Europe for a week, came home for two days, flew to Nashville to record vocals for this modern hymns project, did shows this past weekend (and had QUITE the travel experience, might I add) and then... finally... got home for a good, long break yesterday afternoon. Whew.

And, of course, I got a sunburn. :) I love it! I went on a couple of walks with some family members yesterday... down to the bridge on our road, looking at the pigs at the FFA building, playing in the facuet... you know. Normal, silly, country-folk stuff. Soo good, though. We're home until the 7th, and then we have a show in Avon, Indiana, and a show in Middleton, Ohio, the next day. (Any of you guys going to be there?) And THEN... we drive home from those and have another couple of weeks off! I can't TELL you how needed some time off is... last year, we played at (I think) every festival there is -- which was fun, but time consuming to say the least-- so... the thought of having this summer with family and friends is amazing. I can't wait. :)

Ok. So... to get you caught up... Europe was great! We were in Switzerland and Germany... both were kind of rainy and cold while we were there, but still BEAUTIFUL... just breathtaking. We all went on a few walks around little villages we were staying in... taking tours of churches and castles that are older than the United States. Waaay older. Such a surreal thing. There was this town in Germany we stayed in (I think it was called Wustenrot?) ... the rainiest day of them all.. and we got into our hotel that day and decided to go for a walk and explore the town. Our feet were SOAKING by the end of it, but, man... we found this little dirt road that led out of town, past this horse farm, through a field full of wild flowers and tall grass, and into this oooooold forest... the trees looked like they were going to talk. The SMELL of that place... gosh. It was incredible.

So, got home from that trip, tried to get our bodies back in sync with OUR time zone... and then headed out two days later for Nashville. There's this modern hymns record going on -- John Painter of Fleming & John (for those of you who haven't heard them- go buy their record on iTunes right now!) is producing it... just these songs that are being written in the UK for the church that are... hymn-like. Songs like "How Deep The Father's Love For Us" and "In Christ Alone"... even a few Tim Hughes songs, one of them I LOVE called "Clinging To The Cross" ... yeah. Good stuff. Matt Hammit from Sanctus Real is singing on it, too -- he has such a great voice! I'm really excited to hear the finished product... and for you to, too :)

We left Nashville Saturday morning to catch a flight to Portland, Maine... yeeeeeah... Memorial Day weekend. Not a stellar time to travel, let me tell you. Our luggage didn't make it to Maine, of course... NONE of it... not clothes, merch, guitar... it was all stuck in Philadelphia. We kept driving back to the airport, calling, leaving messages.... nothing. We finally got it right before we left to drive to New Hampshire for the show Sunday night! But, yeah. For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to have crazy travel days, you know how stressful it can be. :) But, despite that, we had an AWESOME time at Souljam in Maine and at Christ's Church in Amherst. THANK YOU to everyone who came out! We loved getting to meet you. We REALLY do love the Northeast.

Soo... went to bed kind of late last night, I drove a few miles away to go see my dearest friend Kari before she left to go work at a camp this summer. We sat in her room and talked and laughed for a while... ate ice cream... caught each other up. I left there at about 11pm, got home to everyone in the house asleep, stepped over all the messy luggage piled in my room, and passed out from exhaustion! :) The bummer is that I can't really sleep in... never have been able to... so I woke up at about 8:30 this morning and have been trying to transition to being home. It's hard to convince myself that I really DO have time to breathe in deep and enjoy... rest is such a good thing.

Well... that's about all that's going on here. Jesus has been... well... messing me up. Does that make sense? :) I was reading the first chapter of John this morning and thought to myself more than once: "HOW am I still breathing? HOW can I stay NORMAL after this?" ... to try and grasp with my tiny, distracted mind that the God of EVERYTHING pursued me and explained Himself through the Word and Light of Jesus Christ. I'm unable to come up with an intelligable sentence about what's happening in my heart... He's too much, that's all I know. I love Him more than ever.

"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth. John testified about Him and cried out, saying, 'This was He of whom I said, "He who comes after me has a higher rank than I, for He existed before me."' For of His FULLNESS we have all received, and grace upon grace. For the Law was given through Moses; grace and truth were REALIZED through Jesus Christ. No one has seen God at any time; the only begotten God who is in the bosom of the Father, He has explained Him." (1:14-18)

Amen! Give us the COURAGE to reach out for Your generous heart revealed through Jesus!

Promise it won't be this long before I say hi again... have a lovely Tuesday, everyone!



The very sleepy Beth

Aunt Beth
05.02.07


Well, even when I THINK there's going to be a breather, something unexpected happens! Aaron and I got home from crazy busy GMA week last weekend, had a couple days at home, got back from church on Sunday and got a phone call from my pregnant sister Kate that she was in labor! A few hours later, sweet little Cohen Reid was born... :)

Soo. I flew out Monday morning pretty early to come out to Seattle and spend a few days with them... and enjoy being Aunt Beth :) ... tomorrow morning I fly out to Colorado Springs for some things at Focus on the Family that we're doing... fly BACK home Friday night... and leave a week from then for Europe! Ha! :)

It's been sooo sweet though... so thankful to follow and know the God that stirs Elijah's heart in 1 Kings to slaughter the prophets of Baal is the SAME God that thought up Cohen and formed him in secret... amazing. The fact that those two things aren't separated in Him - that He is very much ONE - blows my mind.

All of that to say... our family's going pretty baby crazy right now :) and probably will be for a long time...

Hope y'all are good! See you soon :)



Aunt Beth

P.S. I know that this post was smothered with smiley faces! Sorry, can't help it! :)

BUMMER!
04.19.07


I just typed out a long journal for you guys on this computer I'm borrowing, and then, somehow pushed this button that made everything go away (can anyone spell c-l-u-m-s-y?) ... and it's dinner time! Aaaaagh! Well. ok, here's the synopsis of what I was typing out for y'all:

1) Jasper, IN, last night was sooo fun! Thanks to everyone who came out...

2) We only have 2 shows left on this spring tour with Warren, and they're both in West Virginia, which is awesome... why? Because it borders the greatest state ever... well... uhh... er... in the U.S. No, I take that back--EVER. Yeah, so we're pretty much stoked about that...

3) I hope some of y'all can come out to the shows that are left! -- and even the ones we're doing by our lonesome later on this spring!

4) I really, really like rain. (it's raining here today) ...

5) I get to see my Mama and little brother Joshy tomorrow! Woo hoo!

That's it for now. Gotta go eat. Hope you're good, friends.



Concentrating like it's my job so I don't lose this one,

Beth

It's been a while...
04.17.07


Hey friends :)

I know it's been a while since I've said hello on here -- we've been 15 passenger vanning it with Warren Barfield, Walt (his road manager/bass player), and B.J. (sound man) for the past week... it's been soo fun! Tiring, but really fun. We had a day off in Grand Rapids yesterday, and then left early this morning and drove to St. Joseph... playing at The Chapel tonight. Good times :)

Well, I'm borrowing someone's computer right now... if I had mine, I'd sit and really share in-depth what's been going on in the past week... and I'm kinda dying to share it :) so, hopefully, I'll be able to get a hold of some wifi here soon and post something for y'all when you can read it!

Until then, just wanted to say hey... and thank you for coming out to the shows and supporting the new record! If you think about it, just be praying for safe travel while we road trip it the next 4-5 days... and... yeah... this girl's voice is getting kinda rhaspy (maybe it's Ra$-Pee!) ... just be praying for stamina for the next 2 weeks... once this tour ends, I go home for a day, and then fly to Nashville for GMA week. Oh, wonderful, busy, sleep-deprived GMA. :)

Thank you sooo much! Hope y'all are having a great Tuesday! See you soon.



Traffic, traffic... err... oh no! She's coming back!!...



beth :)

Huh? What's That?
04.03.07


...it's RELEASE DATE? ...what? ... for the new record?

Oooooh yeeeeah. That's right. Cool. :)

Hey everybody- sorry, running on little sleep. We left Baytown last night and arrived at our hotel around 2:30am... left for KSBJ at 7:15am... yeah... it's good though. Doing a brown bag concert at Chick Fil A this evening for the CD release.. fun stuff!

Just wanted to say hello -- and thank you to everyone who's come out this spring to see us! Warren Barfield's been out, which has been sooo great... that boy can SING!

Hope you guys are good... see you soon :)



Beth

I'm Offended
03.11.07


It’s been quite an eventful day so far… last night we pulled into a hotel after the show in Germantown, MD, because we had a short drive the next morning to Salisbury. Someone booked an extra room, and me being the only single girl on the bus, I got it (which was very chivalrous of them, I’d say). “Honey Bunches” Brent (our tour manager… no worries, he isn’t called “Honey Bunches” for some shady reason… it’s because he looks exactly like the guy on the back of the Honey Bunches of Oats box) reminded all of us that we’d lose an hour while we slept, and to be sure to make it to the bus by 8:30am… set my alarm for 7:15, no worries.

So, my alarm goes off this morning, I think to myself, “I’ve got time- I can just shower and then get ready on the bus later”—so I push “snooze” and turn over. Five seconds later, I get a call from Bub…

“Hello?” said my scratchy/mostly grumpy voice.

“You coming down?” I heard people around him, figured he was in the lobby…

“What do you mean? Like, I’m gonna shower and then come down…”

“Beth, it’s almost 8:30.”

Awesome. So my cell phone didn’t recognize the time change until AFTER my phone call with Aaron… he was right… it was 8:20. :o)

With all of that adrenaline in me… rushing around the room, unplugging chargers, stuffing clothes into Stang (my bright red suitcase), pulling my hair up and running to the elevator… it was kinda hard to go back to sleep once I got on the bus. Juuuuust kinda. Plus, Tamera (the lead singer of FOF’s wife) made some awesome Starbucks coffee that I started to drink… but I was SO thankful for it, honestly. It gave me some time to sit and read and journal and look out the window at beautiful Maryland… we drove over the Bay Bridge… aaah. Gorgeous.

Anyway, started reading this morning in Luke 7. I’ve been going there a few times in the past week… and this word keeps coming up: offense.

“The disciples of John reported all these things to him. And John, calling two of his disciples to him, sent them to the Lord, saying, ‘Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?’ And when the men had come to him, they said, ‘John the Baptist has sent us to you, saying, “Are you the one who is to come or shall we look for another?”’ …And [Jesus] answered them, ‘Go and tell John what you have seen and heard: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, the poor have good news preached to them. And blessed is the one who is not offended by me.’” (v.18-20, 22,23)

Hmm, I thought. What’s offensive about THAT? He’s healing, making incomplete, sorrowful things whole… what was He getting at with John? Why was John asking Him if He was the one they’d waited and looked for?

At the time, John was in jail, about to be executed… I wonder if there was some tension in John’s heart.

So, THEN, I head over to Isaiah 55, start reading that… these verses seemed to jump out and smack me in the face:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as rain and snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.” (v. 8-11)

I’m staring at my open journal next to me, trying, again, to figure out how to explain why those two passages hit me between the eyes this morning… hmm…

I guess the best way is just to share what He’s been killing in me lately—my big, fat, ugly pride. Not to say that it isn’t there just as much as before, but He’s been weeding a lot of it out… or, at the very least, pointing out that it’s there. Last night in Germantown (we had such an awesome time, by the way! Thanks to everyone who came out) during the show, He was SO dealing with my heart… and He constantly is… about living in the unseen. I walked off stage and started talking with Luke (FOF’s bass player) about how strange it is to be so tangibly and noticeably taught and even confronted by an invisible God. To feel the weight of His holiness on my heart… and yet, for most people in that room last night, I’m sure it wasn’t the slightest bit showing. Man. That blows me away, quite honestly.

Anyway… among many other things, He’s been talking a lot about my expectations. My expectations of approaching Him, doing a concert, talking and meeting with people, and even my expectations of… myself. I’m so naturally attracted to flashy, impressive things… I so quickly call something “of God” if it’s a big event—if there’s a lot of emotion behind it and a great story to tell and keep retelling.

So, I’m sitting there in the front lounge of the bus, looking at these two passages, and SO clearly hearing His voice… nagging at my spirit… that there IS such a huge offense in me that He does things the way He wants to. Not all of the time, but there are times when I am. When it comes to being messy and needing grace and steadfast love, I’m overwhelmingly grateful for the differences between He and I… but, not so much when it comes to finding myself in the middle of something that isn’t quite as impressive or ego-boosting as I’d hoped. Aaaand… not so much when it means being shrunk and getting out of the way so He can do (not that I could keep it from happening anyway) whatever He wants to do.

“…it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it…”

Oh, what a hard thing to swallow. The aftertaste isn’t that great either. But feeling it digest in my spirit (sorry for all the food analogies, we just got back from lunch—I promise it won’t go any farther than this) is a pretty sweet thing. In total honesty, I’d much rather have Him call me out and squirm in my seat for a whole morning and be reminded that that means I’m a LEGITIMATE child of His than to be stuck in that tension of… is this really what I’ve been looking for, or should I go find something else?

Father, give me a special attachment to the unassuming. The small. The quiet. The things that frustrate my glory-houndness like nothing else. Keep pruning these branches!

I hope y’all are having a glorious weekend… looking forward to all of you Salisburians tonight. :o)



The easily offended (but working on it) Beth

Merry Land
03.10.07


Hello from Germantown, MD! I'm sitting in the sanctuary of the church, listening to Future of Forestry soundcheck, biting my nails (it's weird how your hands smell like salsa for a day after you eat a burrito, huh) ... sooo glad to be here today! Tour season is such a unique time... building community... learning how to find Him in busyness and distractedness... how to become softer toward Him in the middle of a full day. How to be NEEDY...

Yeah. It's been so good. Good to learn how much pride I have in being independent... that it isn't a disgusting thing to Him when I'm needy... but instead, my weakness AROUSES His mighty heart. Sooo strange to try and wrap my mind around that. Humbling. Comforting.

Well, just wanted to say hello, and that we've been stoked to see some of you come out to the shows! It gets better every night... so try and make it out to one if you can :) Stay needy!



Beth



P.S. I've kinda been fighting some allergy stuff in the past day or two... if you think to pray about it, that'd be awesome!

Found it!
03.04.07


Thanks for all your prayers, guys... the... uh... chapstick was found. :) Of COURSE, it was in my bag the whole time- opened it up to brush my teeth, and there it was, all lookin at me like, "You're so silly." And I agree! How could I've missed it? It was there the WHOLE time!

Anyway. :) We're in St. Paul today... 4th night of the TCU tour... it's going sooo great! We played at Cup o' Joy in Green Bay, Wisconsin, last night and had such a blast! It kinda felt like Groundhog Day, because we played two back-to-back shows... yeah... but fun nonetheless.

So, we're stoked for tonight... it's actually fun to be back at Northwest... the last time I was here was a year and a half ago, rehearsing for the tour with Jeremy Camp and Tree63. I had so much nostalgia today in the green room- I remembered writing this song that's on the new record called "Something There" in that room... so funny :)

We head out tomorrow morning (Bub and I) for Nashville to record a little acoustic EP... some songs from the past two records, some from the new. I'm excited about it!

And... Jesus is overwhelming my heart! It's such a challenge to try and hear Him in the busyness of tour season... to go find a place to be with Him... and He's SO done it... by Himself. He doesn't even really need my ideas. :) Yeah- if you think about it, just be praying that all of us would continue to seek Him and see Him first in these cluttered days... that He'd distract us more than anything else.

Hope you guys are good! ...come out to a show this spring and say hello! :)



Noticing that I need to clean my fingernails from looking at them while I type this journal entry,

Beth

Lookin for my chapstick
03.01.07


I've jinxed myself! I'm sitting in the front lounge of the bus... first day of the TCU tour w/ Future of Forestry and Matthew Paul Turner... hanging out at Graceland University in Lamoni, Iowa... and I'm DYING! I can't find my chapstick!

I have this lip gloss stuff that I bought at Super Target a couple of months ago -- I tried it last night, didn't cut it.

I don't even think it'd be that urgent of a situation if the wind wasn't blowing so much, and it wasn't so cold... but... after my cup of coffee this morning, I just felt that feeling you feel when you need some chapstick. I tried drinking water, no good.

And the most maddening thing about it is that we were at Wal-Mart LAST NIGHT! ... buying groceries for the bus... a few last things I was running out of... why not chapstick?

Hmm. Man... maybe I should write a rap about FINDING my chapstick... in a bus... not in traffic... and see what happens.

I'll keep you updated.

Beth, out.



P.S. We are sooo stoked about this tour! Hope y'all can make it out to a show!

Watching XLI
02.04.07


...just wanted to stop by and say hello. :) Bub and I are hanging out in our hotel in Jacksonville, Florida, tonight... watching the Superbowl. Destroying some Pizza Hut pizza.

The Radiant conference last night was sooo good! Thank you, Valerie, and all of you wonderful ladies in Ludowici that made us a part of that... we were honored!

Alright, I'm going to go... I think I'm getting pizza grease on my computer. Not that it's super clean... hmmm. :)

These commercials sure are funny,

Beth

My love-hate relationship with Caffeine (to be continued...)
02.03.07


Hi friends!

Well, just got cleaned up here at our hotel in Ludawici, GA... have to leave in a couple of minutes, so this kinda has to be piffy. Just wanted to say hello... AND... that I've had the WORST caffeine headache ALL day today... during our layover in Detroit eeeearrrly this morning, I rushed over to the Starbucks (I deprived myself of it yesterday just to SEE if I could do it) and stood in line, tapping my fingers on my chin... fidgety... freaking out over my grande white chocolate mocha. Instant relief. Sooo sad.

And, what makes it worse, I've gotten myself into the habit of having 3 cups of coffee a day over our break -- so, my little relapse-mocha-moment only worked for about an hour... and then the headache came back.

But... love me some coffee. Still. Even though you hurt me, coffee, I love you.

(yeah, we haven't slept much)

see y'all soon! Beth

Just dust
01.27.07


Happy snowy morning to you, friend...

My heart is so full right now that it seems kind of impossible to try and write about anything other than what's filling it. I was sitting in the green room behind the stage at Ashland University last night (we had such a wonderful time, by the way), sitting and reading this passage in 2 Samuel that I've liked for some time now... but He got rid of some of the static in the picture last night, I think.

Well... yeah. I guess to back up a little bit, I've been in this spot lately with the Lord where I've been really EXPERIENCING how different He and I are. I'm forgetful, He's faithful. I'm half-hearted, He's overwhelmingly and unfathomably WHOLE about everything He does, thinks, or feels. I'd much rather come to Him in impressiveness and perfection, He seems to be the tenderest when I'm pounding my fist on the carpet.

I was reading through Psalms yesterday morning, going over such sweet passages, but, I'll be honest-- I was extremely distracted. All I could think about was what kind of omelette I wanted to make for lunch... were there peppers in the refrigerator? (Hopefully) you know what I mean. :) So, anyway... I read these two particular Psalms, and specific verses in the both of them kept begging to be put on the same page... and so, I pulled out my journal and scribbled them down... distraction fading for a bit:

"...the river of God is FULL of water..." (65:9)

-and-

"...he remembers that we are dust..." (103:14)

Whoa. What a horrible, God-inspired idea that was to put those verses in close proximity to each other... and, maybe this makes sense, but, I'm noticing that even in the effort to TRY and understand what that picture means, it's HEALING my mind... healing my thought processes when I'm around Him... healing my expectations of myself... healing my reaction to Him and me... Him with me... me with Him... Him OVER me.

WHY have I been stupid enough to think that He is at ALL familiar to what I know? That, somehow, I could make sense of Him from my life experience... what I know about the world... what I know about relationships and the things that make it work: forgiveness, kindredness, understanding. What those words mean in MY world is sooo radically different from what it means in HIS. Oh, Jesus, help me!

...because, quite honestly, in a couple of hours I'll probably be stuffing my face with some lunch and thinking about what movie to go see with my brothers tonight.

And YET. It'd be dishonest for me to say that this isn't hovering just beneath the surface... that even though I can fight for a little while the Spirit of God in me begging to just bury my face and cry, I can't really put up that good of a fight. :) I mean, hello. And it's not that I even WANT to put up a fight! Abba, help me do what I am DESPERATE to do! ...to carve out and prepare and make precious the time that it takes to be quiet and listen and wait and learn what it looks like to live in the unseen while everything else around me is tangible and very, very attainable. No... my heart was wired and purposed for a lot more than that. OUR hearts were. Can't you hear it?

So... reading 2 Samuel 9 last night: "And the king said, 'Is there not still someone of the house of Saul, that I may show the kindness of God to him?' Ziba said to the king, 'There is still a son of Jonathan; he is crippled in his feet.' Then King David sent and brought him... Mephibosheth the son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David and fell on his face and paid homage. And David said, 'Mephibosheth!' And he answered, 'Behold, I am your servant.' And David said to him, 'Do not fear, for I will show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan, and I will restore to you all the land of Saul your father, and you shall eat at my table always.' And he paid homage and said, 'What is your servant, that you should show regard for a dead dog such as I?'"

There's so much more in that chapter that I'd love to share, so, maybe in a quiet spot for you sometime, you can go find it... just, that picture moves me. The king seeking out the crippled son of his enemy- the man who tried to kill him- Saul... for the sake of his friend, Jonathan. What a beautiful echo of our stories... that because of Jesus, we are welcomed to sit at the King's table, as one of the King's sons, crippled feet and all.

I am GLAD to be just dust today... GLAD to need Jesus as much as I do. I don't know exactly WHAT to do about it yet, but I'm getting there. :)

Be blessed today! And relieved to know that He REMEMBERS that you are just you today... the you that needs Him... the you that is sought out and welcomed by Him... the you that gets to scoot your crippled feet under His table and be FED today!

We LOVE you, Jesus!

I wonder if you can get addicted to Vitamin C drops...
01.09.07


What's up my friends!

Sorry this is so piffy... I had to drive over to my Aunt Deb's to send off this song to Brad that I wrote today... kind of a last minute thing for the record, but not last minute to the Lord! :) I'm actually listening to the extremely rough garage-band (for all of you Mac users) version of it right now... with the cold that I have again, it sounds REALLY funny, but I'm still excited about it! :) It's called "Unimpressive" ... a lot about the things I wrote the last time I journaled. I can't believe how stinking FAITHFUL He is! Wooo hooo!!

And, yeah... dagnab it... I got a cold again! I'm trying out that Zicam stuff, seeing if it works... you have to let it dissolve on your tongue, which is fine, but it's kind of burning the roof of my mouth... which isn't. So, for all of you who haven't tried it yet, just know that going into it... yeah. :)

I hope this new year has been a blessing to you already! -- or even just a GOOD wrestling match. Either way...

Talk to y'all soon! KEEP yourself in His love today...



cough, cough... sniff, sniff...

Beth :)

the POWER of God
12.26.06


…so, I’m an idiot. :)

I keep finding myself in this place – it seems like my life is in this cycle of: being a messy person, then REALIZING that I’m a messy person, being hard-headed and stubborn because I want to hide that I am, holding out until I am completely desperate for Him, afraid of correction, then being corrected, then LOVING that I am corrected because it means I’m a legitimate child of His (Hebrews 12), experiencing growth and peace in obedience, then wondering how I EVER forget the joy of being in that place, and then… dun, dun, dun!... messiness surfaces in my life… again. Hmmm. And WHY exactly am I surprised by it? WHY do I feel like if I got my act together and pulled this “following Jesus” thing off perfectly that He would be… impressed by it? Relieved by it? PLEASED by it?

I started reading 1 Corinthians last week… yeeeah… haven’t really made it past the first chapter. :) I keep re-learning this, and probably will be trying to pound it into my brain and spirit until the day my lungs stop taking in air… that I really, truly, undeniably needed to be saved. I needed a Name over me that isn’t as fickle or finite as I am. I needed Something Better; Someone who can dwell in my past and future and my NOW, and love me deeper than I deserve and till the soil of my life to grow something strong and lasting. And I need to learn that I am just… Beth. Beth that needs Jesus… bad.

I’m chuckling as I type this… I’m glancing over at 1 Corinthians opened up next to me on the desk, trying to figure out how to share this… but, I think it’s a pretty familiar thing. And so simple. I think He keeps letting me get stuck in these places, saying very 4-year-old kinds of things to Him, like, “I know I’m not good enough,” and “I know that You’re good enough.” But, honestly, when you’re sitting on your carpet for a while, staring out your window, crying and quiet, waiting to hear Him… waiting for hope in your humiliating humanness… those words thunder.

Ok… so. 1 Corinthians 1. It kinda kicks my butt, to tell you the truth. Even the first little bit where Paul is encouraging the church in Corinth:

“…you are not lacking in any spiritual gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who WILL sustain you to the end, GUILTLESS in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God IS faithful…” (1:7-9)

…HOW am I going to be guiltless? (I wish you could hear how much I’m chuckling to myself right now!) HOW can it be? Am I really, really, REALLY welcomed into His house, my dirty, torn-up robe made white in the blood of Jesus? Won’t He remember the time I decided to watch T.V. instead of going back in my room and praying?

“For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the POWER of God… Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach CHRIST CRUCIFIED, a stumbling block to the Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the POWER of God and the WISDOM of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.” (1:18, 20-25)

THANK YOU! Whew… remind me, remind me, keep reminding me of that, Father. The power of God is Christ crucified; not Beth getting all her ducks in a row! The power of God and the wisdom of God is Jesus… He frustrated (and continues to frustrate) everything that makes sense in our heads. He is the stumbling block—the hardest thing to swallow—HE is enough, HE finished it, HE is all-together, and I am the Mephibosheth (2 Samuel 9) at His table.

I still need to be freed up in that, but, at least it isn’t as rusty or stiff as it used to be. :) Help me read these familiar words with the shock that they need to be read with:

“God CHOSE what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God CHOSE what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God CHOSE what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. HE is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption. Therefore, as it is written, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.’” (1:27-31)

I’m still in process… still being wounded, healed, wounded again, and experiencing deeper healing… because, friends, I’m not done yet! :)

I hope and really do pray that the POWER of God would seep into your hearts today… the power that lives inside of knowing that He is our covering, the blood on our doorposts, and that He is plenty enough. I know I need to walk lower… to have an inconvenient, liberating humility that I haven’t embraced yet. I’m looking forward to being taught by Him during this month we have off… walking in obedience and deep surrender, free to love Him, free to know Him, free to be tripped by Him when I get preoccupied with being an impressive follower.

I put this song on repeat in my room this afternoon:

In Christ alone my hope is found/ He is my light, my strength, my song/ This cornerstone, this solid ground/ Firm through the fiercest drought and storm./ What heights of love, what depths of peace/ When fears are stilled, when strivings cease! / My comforter, my all in all/ Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh/ Fullness of God in helpless babe!/ This gift of love and righteousness/ Scorned by the ones He came to save./ Till on that cross as Jesus died/ The wrath of God was satisfied/ For ev'ry sin on Him was laid/ Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay/ Light of the world by darkness slain/ Then bursting forth in glorious day/ Up from the grave He rose again!/ And as He stands in victory/ Sin's curse has lost its grip on me/ For I am His and He is mine/ Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death/ This is the POWER of Christ in me/ From life's first cry to final breath/ Jesus commands my destiny./ No power of hell, no scheme of man/ Can ever pluck me from His hand/ Till He returns or calls me home/ Here in the POWER of Christ I'll stand.

Yeah… I’m ready to walk in that. I’m so glad to have it!



Your fellow wrestling Jesus-lover,

Beth :)

It's HAPPY to have Jesus!
12.25.06


Merry Christmas, friends!

I'm over at my Aunt Deb's house right now, standing around eating food and laughing with the fam, but I just wanted to get on here really quick and say hello...

I hope that He is letting you feel (strangely enough) POOR in your spirit this week! He's been talking about that a lot to me lately... I wrote something last night in my room... maybe when I get home and have some time I'll share with y'all :)

But, alas, there IS chocolate left in this house that I need to look into... soo... have a wonderful rest of your holidays, guys! See you soon!



Beth

Good timing, mucus, and "Waking Up" :)
12.19.06


I was sitting out on our couch yesterday afternoon, inbetween blowing my nose, popping in a new cough drop (I'm HOOKED on Ricola, by the way), and sending an email off to my friend Brad O'Donnell, and Mama asked me, "Hey, do you still post journals up on your website?" ... hmm. :)

Well, I have been so lousy at it this fall/winter, I know... I'm so sorry about that, friends! Honestly, until about a week ago, it has been pretty non-stop getting this record finished... and then, wouldn't you know it, about 3 days after I got home and the official "break" began, I got a cold. :) I know it sounds strange, but it's been really fun to experience ALL the stages of it... because, usually, if I get sick out on the road, I have to O.D. on vitamins and Airborne and emergenC packets to hurry up and feel better... I've kind of enjoyed being sick and not having to worry about it. :) Well, I guess I enjoyed it until yesterday afternoon... when... (insert ridiculously over-the-top dramatic music here)... the mucus came. Yes, it's true. Coughing through the night, a roll of toilet paper at the bottom of my bed, piles of wadded up tissue full of... yeah... all over the house. Not fun. Extremely interesting, but not fun.

But, really, I am SO grateful that it's happening now and not two weeks ago! I feel like the Lord has good timing with this stuff every once in a while... I totally lost my voice yesterday, too... and I wouldn't really consider myself to be a very LOUD person, but it's been so bizarre to not say ANYTHING. I was back in my room last night, spending time with Jesus, and I couldn't wrap my mind around not being able to say anything... sing anything... process anything out loud. I journaled, read, and then sat in my quiet room and actually... LISTENED for Him. I wasn't too good at it, but it was so good FOR me! ...to realize that I really have nothing to say. Whatever worthwhile thing that comes out of my mouth is simply His move in my heart... I'm learning a lot from being a mute. :)

AND! My third record, "Waking Up", is juuuust about to be finished! Thank you Jesus... my family and I have been driving around listening to the different sets of mixes, taking in how FAITHFUL He has been... I just can't believe it. It's like He really DOESN'T need me... huh. :) Our time in Dallas with Will Hunt a couple of weeks ago rocked my world... I'm SO used to being in the studio with Ed (which is wonderful) that the pre-production/recording processes with John & Will this time around have so radically stretched me... it's been good. I actually heard for the first time yesterday one of the songs Will produced called "You Are On Our Side" (I've played it at the end of a lot of shows in the past year, so some of you may have heard it) ... aaaaah! I didn't know what to do with myself. He just KILLED it. (<-- which is a good thing, in case you were wondering)

So... yeah. I am on the edge of my seat for y'all to hear it!

I feel so HUNGRY today... I think from laying on the couch for the past couple of days, doing nothing... my spirit feels hungry. It's interesting how discipline BEGETS discipline, you know? I haven't run in at least a week, maybe more, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep... I haven't been stuck in His presence... REALLY stuck... for a while. He has taught me so much lately-- I mean, when isn't He-- about contentment co-existing with desire in a believer; about REALLY acknowledging & honoring Him throughout the day, and not limiting it to my "quiet time"; about searching for Him in the simple, noticing His face being reflected in little things... and with holidays and wrapping up the record and a house full of people, my humanness has stood in the way of REALLY being broken before the King lately.

...and I'm HUNGRY for it. Craving it.

I was up late talking to my dear friend Kari the other night (she's home on her break, too)... just... talking about Jesus. Talking (more like rambling) with the clarity that you have at 2am... or, at least, that I seem to experience... when I'm half-awake, half-asleep. There's nothing else going on, nothing else to do. And then to share your heart with someone who is truly kindred, and to hear what the Lord has been doing in her... it was such a precious, eternal thing. Those moments have been haunting me yesterday and today... and I'm so thankful and relieved and glad that it isn't something that's easy to brush off. My heart is crying out for its Deliverer...

So, all of that to say, I'm looking forward to time off. :) Sometimes I wish that I lived in a convent way up in the mountains somewhere... but, instead, I live in a house full of characters- some louder than others, but all of them sweet, all of them being changed and broken by JESUS. and HE is enough!

AND... I promise that the journals will be picking back up again :) I hope that your Christmas and New Years is full of His voice... full of a growing appetite for Him!



Your Sicky Friend, (who is no longer M.I.A.)

Beth :)

Yes, it's happening
11.29.06


Hey there!

Here's Beth, realizing that she hasn't posted a new journal in quite some time... hmm... sorry guys. My mind has felt like such a fog this fall, making the new record (which is going sooo well!), Thanksgiving, planning a tour for next spring... all that good stuff :)

I actually have to go... at the studio in Dallas, recording with Mr. Will Hunt today... it's kicking my butt! Hope y'all are good... check in with you guys later. (i.e. in a month when I remember that I have a computer)



Beth

Remembering
10.27.06


Good morning!

Today's our last day in Nashville! Bub flew home Wednesday morning to sing at a friend's wedding this weekend, so Mama drove down and has spent the rest of this trip with me... it's been such a blast to have her here. We road trip it home tomorrow morning, which I am looking forward to... you know how we love those road trips :)

Well, I have to go brush my teeth and get ready for the day in a couple of minutes, but I wanted to share a little nugget with y'all that has been blessing my heart this week... I've been reading Deuteronomy 27-34 a lot lately- sinking my teeth into the heart of God that is so mysterious in those passages... amazing to see how affectionate He was with a bunch of forgetful Israelites.

A couple of mornings ago, I read Deuteronomy 29 and read these verses: "You are standing today all of you before the Lord your God... so that you may enter into the sworn covenant of the Lord your God, which the Lord your God is making with you today, that he may establish you... as he PROMISED you, and as he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob..." (v. 10-13)

...so I started thinking about the stories of those men: Abraham, Isaac, Jacob... the promise that weighed over their lives. I've always been so drawn to them because of how unpolished they were- how obviously human they were. So, I put my pen in that page in Deuteronomy and turned to Genesis...

"'Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great.'... And [the Lord] brought him outside and said, 'Look toward heaven, and number the stars, if you are able to number them.' Then he said to him, 'So shall your offspring be.' And he believed the Lord, and he counted it to him as righteousness..." (15:1,5-6)

"Now Isaac had returned from Beer-lahairoi and was dwelling in the Negeb. And Isaac went out to meditate in the field toward evening. and he lifted up his eyes and saw, and behold, there were camels coming. And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she dismounted from the camel..." (24:62-64)

"Jacob left Beersheba and went toward Haran. And he came to a certain place and stayed there that night, because the sun had set... and he dreamed... 'Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go... For I will not leave you until I have done what I PROMISED you.' Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, 'SURELY the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it.'..." (28:10-12, 15-16)

Letting that settle in my spirit... hmm. Just little glimpses into those men's lives: Abraham, staring up at the sky in the middle of the night; Isaac, meditating in a field, looking up and watching what was promised to him dismounting from a camel; Jacob, waking up to the presence of YAHWEH in the wilderness with a rock under his head... I just love that He keeps His promises. I love that He doesn't forget those honest, sweet, very true moments with us... that He lets those burn into His memory and move His heart toward us, even in the unlikeliest of us. (Raising my hand right now... I'm in that club!)

So, I love Him. There have been so many other things swimming around in my heart this week (thank you for that, Jesus!) but I wanted to share that with you... just in case you've been in the same spot as me... or something like it. Wondering if His mind changes as much as mine does-- if He's swayed by my distracted devotion or by how hard and messy my life is at times... and how unlike Him I react to it. BUT. The potent Hope of the Kingdom is that He CHANGES us as He beats out that path of keeping His promise... He walks over it a couple of times so our feet won't get caught. I'm just blown away by that care in Him!

Alright... Mama's almost completely ready, and I'm still in my pajamas... I should probably go :) Hope that y'all are doing great! Can't wait for you to hear these songs!



Beth

Like It's Our Job
10.24.06


Good morning everyone :)

At Ed's studio this week... sitting on his couch right now while he puts down an organ (the kind you play) for a song we've written together. I wrote the lyric around some passages I've been reading in Deuteronomy lately... it's sounding great! I'm so stoked!

Beautiful day here in Nashville... enjoying the company of the LIVING God... the One who makes promises beyond my understanding AND keeps them! Thank you Yahweh!

Hope you're having a wonderful Tuesday... thank you for praying for us while we're doing the to-and-fro thing this fall. Keep asking that whatever comes out of all of this studio time and writing will be pleasurable for HIM to hear! ...and that He will uproot and tear apart the things in us that keep that from happening.

We love you guys! See you soon,



Beth

Just saying hey
10.20.06


I was just out in the living room talking to Bub about some things with the website, and it hit me that I hadn't posted a journal in quite some time. We've kind of had lots of time off here at home, which has been WONDERFUL, but, true to Logan County form, uneventful :) Sunday we flew out to Chicago and played at North Park University's Missions Expo night... sooo great! Thank you for having us, guys!

Other than that... been doing a lot of babysitting, writing for our next trip to Nashville (we fly out Monday morning), spending time in my room, working on being a runner... that's about it. :)

Oh! And then I found five dollars.

I hope that y'all are doing well! Enjoying the beautiful fall weather... it's been rainy every day here, but the trees are so lovely... I kind of enjoy my nose feeling a little cold, too. :)

Happy weekend!



The girl who's enjoying doing nothing,

beth



P.S. there's kind of a fun contest going on at my myspace right now... myspace.com/bethanydillonmusic... check it out!

Love us some Panera
10.08.06


I just ate one of those cinnamon crunch bagels and drinking a strong cup of coffee... man... there's no doubt in my mind that I'm going to be getting the sugar-caffiene shakes verrry soon, but, it was good.

Well, we're en route this morning from Gadsden, Alabama, (thank you for having us Godstock! We were so blessed to be there) to Snellville, Georgia, tonight... which I couldn't be more stoked about. It had actually been a while since we had done a show... doing a lot of recording and back and forth to Nashville lately... so it couldn't have been sweeter last night getting to enjoy tha